I’m starting to miss this lil’ guy hiding in my closet! My roommate moved out a week ago and took him along
Time for a bit of explanation
People have been asking what the deal is with me leaving grad school, whether I’m going to reapply, and if so, what I’m planning to do with myself between now and then. As you probably already know if you’re reading this, the past year has been hell. Being consistently unhappy caused my performance to suffer in various ways that I’d rather not get into here, but they gave the professors evaluating me plenty of reason to give me the boot. Clearly leaving was the right thing to do. But given the choice, I would have just stuck it out despite the toll it was taking on me, simply because I’m not a quitter and hate to fail at things. So I’m actually kind of glad that I’m not being allowed to continue. Fortunately, they gave me the choice between appealing my dismissal and going through the whole process associated with that, or writing a resignation letter. Obviously I chose to write the letter, because it lets me leave on my own terms and doesn’t completely close the door on ever getting into another program.
When I think back to my time at CNU, it was like the whole program and all of the professors were there to build on my strengths and give me the skills to succeed after graduating. Here at WVU, it feels more like I’m being constantly scrutinized, looking for a slip-up or a chance to tear me down. While it is true that I was never 100% committed to the work I was doing, putting me alone in a lab with no other grad students and an extremely demanding adviser in an area I’m not familiar with was kind of stacking the odds against me to begin with. Dr. Velkey, one of my old professors, said that putting me into that situation was “like throwing you into the deep end of the pool with cement shoes.” Dr. Gibbons thought it was hilarious that I only got to go home for Christmas eve and Christmas day this year and was running mice on new years (in his unique way of being an ass and supportive at the same time), and he encouraged me to apply to masters programs in the fall. The only tough thing is that going back and seeing how great my college professors were makes me want to mentor students like that someday. But to be a professor you usually have to run your own research (not sure I’m into that), and you definitely have to make it through a Ph.D. program…
So, grad school is still something I’m considering. I’m also considering going to school for physical therapy. There are a lot of random thoughts floating around my head right now. Whatever I decide to do, the year off will probably be a really good thing. My goals are to take some time for myself, regain control of all of my healthy habits, reflect on the past year, and keep involved with research or psychology in some way (hopefully one that also has a paycheck). If that doesn’t work out, I’ll probably get a random job to make some money and volunteer somewhere in a lab or clinical setting. I actually did already get a volunteer position as a camp counselor for a week-long camp this June for kids who have burn injuries. That should be a lot of fun and way different from anything I’ve done before. There’s definitely a psychological cost to dropping out, but the cost of staying was going to be even higher. Overall, things are looking up! :)
